Semi-Contemporaneous Observations. Beans.

My List of Embarrassing Moments

I was just reading this article where the author lists a bunch of embarrassing events in the hopes that doing so will ‘set her free.’ As someone who obsesses endlessly about her failings, this appeals to me deeply. Presented below is an incomplete list of embarrassing things I did or happened to me up through high school. I’m not over any of them.

When I was 5 I wore a skunk costume to a neighborhood Halloween party. The kids chanted ‘You stink,’ and I ran home crying.
On a Girl Scout canoe trip I once laughed so hard I peed. I ‘fell’ out of the canoe and got back in to justify why my seat was wet.
In high school I told a classmate who I was jealous of because she got to leave Bio class early ‘Don’t die.’ She was on her way to a funeral.
Until the middle of high school, I thought a blow job was performed as if one was blowing out birthday candles. I did not, thankfully, ‘learn by doing.’
We were studying Indian heritage in class (India, not America.), and I brought a book in for the teacher that I’d found at home because it looked Indian. It was the Kama Sutra. (It would take me 5 years to realize what I’d done and be appropriately embarrassed.)

I’ll be ready to tackle post-high school life in about 10 more years….